"F.r.i.e.n.d.s." quotes: Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, I'm Phoebe Buffay. I'm one of Ross's best friends.
Mrs. Waltham: Where did you get this number?
Phoebe: I got it from your maid. She's a bitch, but I wore her down.
Mrs. Waltham: Well, if you're one of Ross's best friends, why aren't you here?
Phoebe: Yeah, um, I can't fly. I'm having my brother's babies.
Mrs. Waltham: Oh, am I on the radio?

Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!

Phoebe: I love the second grade!
Eric: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah! It's so much better than first grade when you don't know what's going on and definitely better than third grade. Y'know, with all the politics and mind games...

Phoebe: Taffy, really? I've never had any.
Ross: Ever?!
Phoebe: Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats.

Phoebe: [singing] Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault. They won't take you to the vet, you're obviously not their favorite pet. You may not be a bed of roses, and you're no friend to those with noses.

Phoebe: Ok, don't get me started on gravity.
Ross: You uh, you don't believe in gravity?
Phoebe: Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just...I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.

Monica: Uh Tim? This is Phoebe. Phoebe this is Tim, my new sous chef.
Phoebe: Oh, so you're Monica's boss?
Tim: Actually she's my boss. Sous is French for under.
Phoebe: Oh! I sous stand.

Phoebe: Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper.

Rachel: (biting one of Phoebe's oatmeal raisin cookies) Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies.

Ross: Look, I just don't want my tombstone to read, "Ross Geller: Three divorces."
Phoebe: Don't feel worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, "Ross Geller: Good at marriage!" Y'know? Mine's going to say, "Phoebe Buffay: Buried alive."